Electric toothbrush in hand (on, mind you), towel holding up my wet, newly cut, newly dyed, growing-out hair, another towel swaddled around my just-showered body, I was not altogether surprised when the Lord poured out another revelation. After all, I’m not your oh-so-ordinary woman of God.
I’m a shabby chick Christian, marching to a drummer or two others can’t always hear, dilly-dallying, hip-hopping, sometimes-totally-dragging-along, stubbing-my-toes-along-the-way, mumbling-bumbling through my walk with the Lord with loads of energy sometimes, and other times just hobbling along so-wiped-out-by-life. So who is someone like me to determine when God should give me yet another BIG revelation? And this one, a wildly exciting, yes-a-little-tough-to-swallow, oh-my-God-WOW revelation to boot.
“I trust you with so-and-so,” I told God as I brushed my teeth. Ouch. That sensitive tooth. Ouch. Yes, I probably need to see the dentist. But let’s get on with talking to the Lord, eh? And maybe even hearing from Him……
So I gave Him – at least in words – a loved one who is in DIRE STRAITS. Handed the person right off to Him, at least in my heart and mind – as best I could. I’ve been thinking lots and loads about this person. What can I do? What can I do? How can I help? God, of course, keeps reminding me to GET OUT OF THE WAY. Imagine, God asking me to trust HIM! The nerve of Him………
“And I trust you with so-and-so,” I told God next. Yes, the loved one I have spent YEARS wanting to fix, trying to fix, trying to change, crying over, crying about, giving to God (sometimes for mere moments, and sometimes not at all, and sometimes a wee bit, a wee, yes), and, of course, in typical Lara Love, shabby chick Christian fashion, taking my loved one BACK once I come up with MY next plan of – need I say more? If that’s a run-on sentence, forgive me, have mercy, ’cause so is my life it seems.
Oh my God! And then it happened. No, I don’t mean I hit another sensitive tooth. Yes, I was still brushing my teeth. Ouch some more. Sometimes it’s just easier to quit brushing rather than hit another nerve. Speaking of nerves, the nerve of God to show me the BIG revelation as I’m hitting teeth of all things and matters.
The revelation? The BIG revelation? The BIG REVELATION? Okay, maybe the rest of the world already gets this, or got it. Maybe followers of Jesus learned this on day one of their walk with the Lord. Maybe not. Who knows. But it’s taken me some time. Yes, lots of time in fact. That’s the truth.
And here it is. The BIG REVELATION. With toothbrush in hand.
Da-da. The curtain goes up. Or is it down? I can’t remember how it goes. But who cares, ’cause that’s not the point. The point is?
Just because I trust God with someone, just because I trust God with something, just because I trust God with MY LIFE (in all truth, my life is now supposed to be HIS rather than mine, an ouch reminder), does NOT mean that everything will turn out MY WAY.
In fact, it might not even turn out HIS WAY. It might not be in accordance with His PERFECT WILL. But it DOES mean that I have given it, or the person, or ME, to HIM.
Is this so obvious to everyone else? Maybe, maybe not. I’m not sure; I don’t know. Does it really matter? Does it matter if everyone else has known this the whole time I have been fighting and fighting and fighting against – well, against, hmmmmm. Fighting against giving God my TRUST.
I know, I know what you’re thinking – or what someone is thinking anyway. What do I mean that things might not turn out God’s way if I trust God with someone? This is what I mean. Say I trust a friend who is a crack addict to God. I give the person over to Him. This doesn’t mean the person will stop doing crack. And it certainly doesn’t mean God wants that person to do crack. But I do believe God will bring good out of it ultimately, and that’s what the Bible teaches. God does bring beauty from ashes, He does turn mourning into dancing, and He does work things for good for those that are called and love Him. The Bible says so, and I believe it.
It’s also possible things WILL turn out the way God wants if I trust Him with the person, situation, myself, etc. – IF I get out of the way and let Him reign, rule, you know, do what God does best. Be God. In other words, sometimes God doesn’t even have to bring beauty from ashes at the end of the day, or turn mourning into dancing after the grief of loss and tragedy, or work good out of evil. Why? Because sometimes, yes, imagine, it really does happen, people act obediently from the beginning – or at least somewhere in between the start and the finish. And then, voila, good stuff starts to happen (yes, His will!!) because people were following His directions in the first place.
Example? I trust God with the life of someone I love who is a long-time alcoholic. Once I step out of the way, the person surrenders his life to God now that I’m not interfering and distracting the person from forming a relationship with God. The person, thereby, acts in God’s will – and all ends up happily ever after, or close to it anyway.
If you’re confused, I’m not. I get it. I think somewhere along the road, somewhere down the pathway, somewhere along this long, slow, journey I’ve been taking down the highway of life loving the Lord, of learning to walk – and fall so much, truthfully – with the Lord, I thought this. I thought that in order to trust the Lord with someone or something, yes, even with ME, I would have to KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that things would turn out the way I FEEL IS BEST.
So what have I been doing? Getting in God’s way? Absolutely. But that’s not all. I have been refusing to trust Him. I have trusted Him in bits and pieces only, sometimes, maybe even I thought, okay, this time He’s got it. Maybe in this situation He’ll work things out to MY GOOD the way I WANT and in MY TIME. Oh, heaven’s. No, oh God! What a mess I’ve made of things.
Whoever said trusting is easy? Maybe some people have. But I haven’t, and that’s the truth of the matter. I haven’t thought that at all. Geez, it’s like I’ve been gambling. Sometimes throwing the dice, sometimes not. Picking and choosing when, and how much, to trust Him. And then taking MY trust back – as thought it belongs to ME – because I, I, I, don’t like the way things are going. Ahem.
Because in all reality, I have pretty much always worked out in my head what I THINK IS BEST. Just recently the Lord convicted me of this, and I realized – can you imagine? – HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST. I am NOT God. He IS GOD, and will ALWAYS BE God. And I have never been, and will never be. Thank God, because His job would be way too tough. But enough playing God, eh?
So here’s the deal with this big revelation. I need to understand, and I do now, that my trusting God with my life, and with anything or anyone, can NOT be contingent on what I feel is best, what I think is best, what I want, what anyone else wants. In fact, it cannot be contingent on anything or on anything at all. Trusting God does not come along with a contingency plan.
Trusting God is really, and truly saying, “I love you God. You are God. I’m not. You know what is best. I don’t. No matter how things turn out in this situation, I know you will bring good out of it. I trust you.”
Period. End of conversation. But anyone who knows me knows there is rarely an end to a conversation with me. I usually have something else to say, think, feel, or do. That’s just how I am. But in this case, hmmm, what can I say? What can I feel? What can I do?
Honestly? I can say, THANK YOU God for this awesome revelation. I can feel GRATEFUL that I finally get it.
Now, what can I do?
I can give God my trust. Not only has He wanted my love all along, and not only has He wanted my obedience, He has wanted my TRUST. And frankly, all three really should go hand in hand – sort of like those pre-school kids that look like one big connected kid because they walk down the street all connected to that long rope-kind-of-thing.
Dear Lord, THANK YOU! Thank you! Call me slow, but I finally get it. I knew you wanted my trust, but I didn’t see what was holding me back was my contingency plan. I do believe you will bring good out of everything, ultimately, and I do know I do not know what is best. And I ask you to FORGIVE ME for every time in my life I have ever held back my love, obedience, and trust. Please help me as I go forth to do exactly this – to love you, to obey you, to trust you. I know I will fall short. I always do. And I ask you when I do, to please correct me because you love me. I also ask you to please empower, to equip me, to live the way you have called me. My life is not mine, and I keep thinking it is. Please forgive me, too, for this. Thank you for your everlasting love and your endless mercy. Please help me to live the life you intended me to live, FOR YOUR GLORY, and to be the woman of God you desire me to be. I love you, Lord!
Pro 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Pro 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
There ain’t no contingency plan in God’s command to trust Him………but there is a PEACE that comes in trusting Him with ALL my heart.