Don’t Keep It Secret

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“This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.” 1 John 1:5-10

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” James 5:16

“And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Cor. 12:7-10

I’ve battled an eating disorder since I was a kid. Ugh. Can’t remember a day of my life even as a Christ follower without some level of preoccupation if not obsession with food, weight, calories, body, the scale, etc. The Lord blessed me – and all those worrying about me – a few years back by lifting the anorexia right up out of my life. But to this very day I struggle with sometimes seemingly endless thoughts, discouragement, disgust, etc. about my now “massive” weight and “way too much eating.” Imagine how I felt the day I got really upset about something and went diving into the cookies.

The ones that were supposed to last. Not be gobbled up by Miss Cookie Monster herself now that I eat cookies again after years of restricting my food. I felt AWFUL. Not sick from too much cookies. I would love to have eaten MORE to be honest! Sickened by myself. I couldn’t think of anything better to do, given all this, than to SHUT MY MOUTH and TELL NOBODY about my BIG SECRET about how much I was STRUGGLING IMMENSELY with my binge eating. Not just the cookies. But the nearly two years out on the road full-time for ministry with way too much eating not to mention money spending on the food. There was NO WAY I was going to tell ANYBODY.

Then the Lord stepped in. Prompting me to reach out to several sisters in Christ to confess my struggle and ASK FOR PRAYER. I got loads of love and prayers and encouragement in return. Most of all, the BIG SECRET was out. Satan no longer had the grip on me he had when I was holding my secret in the dark. Was I miraculously healed by God? No! In fact, the Lord just keeps reminding me my long-time eating disorder struggle is an opportunity to cry out to Him, to stay desperate for Him, to seek Him, to pray to Him, to need Him enormously, which of course I do anyway each and every moment of my life, and to remember HIS GRACE IS ENOUGH. I didn’t get a miraculous healing, at least as of yet, but what I got was the beautiful blessing of coming out into the light. Knowing I am not in the battle alone. Not only is the Lord with me, most importantly of all, but there are sister soldiers of Christ on the battlefield with me.

If you have a BIG SECRET, a sin, a struggle, a hurt, anything at all you’re convinced you need to keep to yourself, please don’t keep it in the dark any longer. Cry out to the Lord, if you’re not already, and cry out to Christ’s followers for love, prayer, hope, encouragement, help, and support. Don’t let pride, shame, worry, depression, the voice of Satan, the lust of your flesh, anything at all keep you from coming into the light!

Don’t battle it alone, friend. Don’t hold your BIG SECRET in the dark. Come into God’s amazing light. Whether God delivers and heals you from whatever it is, or whether He allows your struggle to remain as an opportunity for Him to show you His strength in your weakness, and to remind you His grace is enough, when you bring your BIG SECRET out of darkness into God’s wonderful light, you will be in His fellowship and the fellowship of others and won’t have to go it alone. Draw close and closer to Him, and draw close and closer to others. Come into the light!

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