Years ago, a loved one remarked over and again at his amazement that I could get an entire couch up a flight of stairs by myself. Seriously. I could. No, let me correct myself. I could not. I did not. When my loved one exclaimed at what “I” had accomplished, my answer was simple – and humble. “Me and Jesus did it,” I would reply.
I was a babe in the Lord back then, and in some ways more humble than I am now. And I was wise. I knew my salvation came from the Lord, and I knew accomplishments like getting a couch up a flight of stairs “alone” was truly the work of the Lord. But something unfortunate sometimes comes as the years go by for those of us who follow Jesus and learn to walk with the Lord. Sometimes humility takes a back burner, and sometimes we start taking responsibility once again for “our” accomplishments. And sometimes, as in my case, we believe that we alone must accomplish what God calls us to do. So not only do we take credit for what we get done, but we strive in the flesh to get it done in the first place.
My writing is the perfect example. God undoubtedly has called me to write. But He quite clearly has not called me to write in the flesh. Yet over and again, I find myself sitting down at the keyboard striving to get something written, striving to get something done, striving to get something accomplished. The Lord gave me an awesome scripture recently that says it all:
“Are ye so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect in the flesh?” Galatians 3:3 KJV.
Yes, I am that foolish. I have been guaranteed eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ. This is a gift from the Lord. And yet I still fall into the false belief that I, on my own, of myself, in my flesh, will get done what I need to get done. The result? I end up exhausted, discouraged, dejected, and so very much more.
Something tells me I am at a turning point. I am perfectly capable of writing in the flesh, but I am perfectly disappointed with the writing that comes forth when I write this way. Even as I write this piece, I am disappointed. I am not writing from the heart. I am writing in a box, so to speak. I am held back by rules and regulations, by education and expectations placed on me when I was “taught” writing.
But the writing that I aspire to do has nothing at all to do with education. It has everything to do with the Lord Jesus Christ. I want to be a vessel of honor for the Lord, I want to write to glorify Him, and I want to write completely unleashed – without bounds, inhibitions, fear, and all the worldly, fleshly expectations I have acquired, or placed on myself.
I believe I am standing at the threshold. When I look out the window of where I stand, I see nothing at all. At least at first glance, I see nothing. But then I see in my spirit something I did not see before. I see the Lord, with outstretched hands. He reaches out to me, He beckons me, He calls me, He asks me to step through the window.
He is the love of my life who throws pebbles at my window with the promise of taking me somewhere beautiful. And I am the young woman, still young in the Lord, who opens the window as wide as it will open, and reaches for His outstretched arms.
I climb out of the place I have remained for so very long. And I go with Him. I wonder where He will take me, and I only know this. I will no longer be writing in a box. I will no longer be leashed and restrained. I will no longer be held back. I will no longer bury the gift I have been given. I will no longer keep parts of me in the darkness. I will no longer keep the secret I have held.
I will be standing in the light. With the Lord. No more filthy rags. Free. Me & Jesus. And when I write in the way I desire, I will humbly, and wisely, give all the glory where the glory is due. To Him.