Standing on the Outside


Standing on the Outside

 My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.” Song of Solomon 2:10

I stood on the outside of a relationship with God. I believed in Him, studied the Bible, went to church, talked about Him, prayed to Him, and listened for His voice. I had a relationship with Christianity – with pastors, churches, the Bible, Christians. I didn’t have a relationship with Him. A relationship involves two. How could I have one standing on the outside?

I sought provision and blessings from the Lord, but I didn’t seek Him. Even as He drew me by His Spirit to Himself, I refused to come to Him. And I refused to let Him in. I didn’t honor who He is. I sought what He could give. I didn’t want God and a relationship with Him. I wanted what God could do for me. And I took the hurt I had experienced at the hands of this world and assumed God would do the same. I didn’t trust Him. How could I take the risk of letting His Spirit all the way in to truly live in and through me? So I kept my distance. I rigidly refused to enter in.

I was hungry, lost, and broken. I sought from the world what I so desperately wanted. I wanted to be loved, accepted, appreciated, valued, to belong, to be included, to be validated and affirmed. I wanted friendship, companionship, relationship. I wanted to love, give and receive, serve, share, listen and speak, to fellowship, walk alongside. I wanted intimacy and fulfillment.  I found it for little spurts. I found little pieces of it. Never pure, never holy. But human, imperfect. Never satisfying even when I had pieces of it. What little I had, it always went away.

Then I heard God’s Spirit calling, and this time I answered differently. I said yes. I came to the Lord. Not to the outside of God. I entered through the door of Christ and came into fellowship with God. I stopped resisting Him. I entered into the most phenomenal relationship in the universe – the one He intends for us all. A relationship between Creator and His Creation, between Father in heaven and children adopted into His family through faith in Christ, between Christ and His Body of believers, between Christ as husband and Body of Christ His bride, between Lord and servant, between redeemed and redeemer, between healer and healed, between restorer and restored, between giver of life and receiver of it, between friends, between Savior and saved, between Christ and follower, between God of the universe and those who love Him with all their hearts.

I no longer stand on the outside. I abide in Christ. I dwell in God. I am yoked to Him. At last I am at peace. At rest. I live in adoration of the Lord. And I am His. He called me. I answered at last. Yes. Are you His?

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