The Death of Desire
“Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.” John 12:24-25
One morning I woke from a wretched nightmare about one beloved to me, and others so beloved to me, all in real life taken abruptly and tragically, gut wrenchingly from me. I came to my knees, begging God yet again for their salvation that they would repent, believe in Jesus, turn and devote themselves to God and receive the promise of everlasting life with Him in heaven. Sometimes we wake from nightmares and realize they were only bad dreams. But in my case it’s not. My life circumstances have seemed harder, more grueling over time as God tries my faith and teaches me to forsake all and follow my precious Jesus. Though the nightmare stopped clinging to me as I began spending time with the Lord in His Word that morning, the reality of my life, the starkness, the barrenness, of it when it comes to so many people I have loved, especially those most dear, and the loss after loss of dreams I once had, remained. And still does. Daily I learn to die to self and live for God as I learn not to fight to hold onto my dreams and desires, but to surrender them to God that they might die and I might live and breathe to love and adore Him, learning to cleave to Him, not the dreams and desires, to revere and serve Him. Oh, yes!
Sounds morbid, doesn’t it, for desires and dreams to die and be hauled off to the morgue of lost dreams, lost desires, of once hoped for people and stuff and all of it, all this world teaches us to desire. But for every death of dreams and desires I have experienced because of life’s tribulations or because I have forsaken them because they were contrary to God’s will, the more my heart, this well inside me, this vessel I am, has been filled, richly, deeply, magnificently, gloriously with God’s Spirit, with life! The life of Christ! With God’s Truth, His Word! With His hope, light, peace, joy, forgiveness, freedom, mercy, compassion, delight, and such desire, new desire, growing desire, to love God, honor God, adore, worship, praise, magnify, exalt, the Lord, to proclaim Him to all, boldly, lovingly, unreservedly, to shout His name to all, oh what joy, what uncontainable joy in the Lord, oh the fellowship I have with Him now, the longing to be ever closer to Him, the desire for the world to know, love, and follow Him, the passion to tell the people I have loved the most and lost, and all people, He can be yours, forever, repent, believe the Gospel, forsake all, follow Jesus, let the fleshly desires and dreams you cleave to that run contrary to God’s will die, and that which has died because of life’s trials, stop clinging to them, let go! Let die what must die! Live for Christ forever!