My sweet dog Speckles whom I’ve had for years after she was rescued from euthanization at a rural Ohio shelter where she was left by a couple when they broke up was diagnosed with cancer less than 2 weeks ago and is going very rapidly downhill. While I would love immeasurably to have her for much more time, I am electing to not do aggressive treatment but instead to focus on quality of life and leave her in the Lord’s hands. She is about 14, and to put her through extreme measures after she has had a wonderful life years past what she would have had I believe would not be right. This is a big, hard loss.
I am beyond maxed out at the same time with Esther the English coonhound whom I realize I never should have taken in about five years ago as she was neither senior nor special needs & has added more stress than imaginable to my life. I did it so she wouldn’t be killed where she was found at a hunt club nor euthanized at the county shelter, and have been discouraged beyond measure that a years-long search for a loving home and prayer beyond belief have turned up nothing. She needs to be placed with no other dogs or cats & no small kids, and will now likely need to go to the shelter as I cannot continue to sacrifice my well-being for a dog who because of several fights and her pickiness with other dogs has to be separated most of the time & causes more work & stress with several other issues due to in large part to being in the wrong mix of a home / dogs / environment & not getting enough attention due to the needs of the other dogs. I took Esther to my vet to discuss possible euthanization due to the aggression and my inability to place her, and while I will pursue this option if necessary for safety’s sake along with my need to care for myself, it is still my hope the Lord will very soon make clear His will and that it might be otherwise as she is okay when kept separate or when carefully monitored with submissive only dogs for short periods. I have another dog, a senior, who is now needing to be separated as well due to aggression toward Glory who has no eyes because she kept bumping into him. After decades of sacrificing my well being for the sake of the dogs, I now understand God gave us dominion over the dogs & that it is wrong and unbiblical to place the dogs before myself and makes it such that I am not fully available and rested for the Lord as I need to be. I am continuing to downsize the dogs, most are seniors & special needs, & I will not be taking in any new dogs in the future as my heart and life are the Lord’s and my passion is Him and ministry compared with years ago when I did not know and follow the Lord and became heavily involved in dog rescue.
I continue in a season of rest & preparation in a slowed-down life due to the Lord’s leading and including for health reasons. My writing & ministering to others have slowed down for right now but I sense God is growing me greatly in this season & preparing me in pressing on. I am sad to say that my stress level remains very high in large part because of Esther and that I am while getting much needed physical rest am not getting the mental rest I very much need. I am continually seeking the Lord, learning more to praise the Lord, staying steadily in His Word, and enjoying lots of reading of encouraging, helpful, and inspiring Christian books that I find mostly at thrift shops. This is something I had done little of in quite some time as I had not allowed myself in my past-fast-paced lifestyle to slow down and enjoy down time.
My Daily Inspiration writing online and pocket-sized tracts, devotionals, & weekly Daily Inspiration in print are continuing to be distributed in streets ministry to the general public, homeless, and others in extreme need, and the latter is being distributed in several prisons and through others occasionally who request to distribute it. Despite my flesh which continues its cries that it would be nice for the books to be read, for people to learn of the work that I do, for the support I have long desired in ministry, etc., I am blessed beyond measure the Lord has called me to oftentimes reach those who are often not reached in more traditional, typical ways like the lost, broken, hurting, hopeless, homeless, unchurched, unsaved, saved but turned away, prisoners, forgotten, overlooked, abused, widows, addicted, criminals, depressed, suicidal, down, downtrodden, sick, dying, disabled, etc.
I wish I could share that this is an easy season, that I am well rested and worry-free, that I have less day to day trials for a period anyway, that everything has fallen into place, that my ministry is moving forward splendidly, that my books are finally being read which is a long-time dream, that people are stepping forward left and right with offers to help and support the work I am called to do, that Esther is finally no longer with me, that my stress is to a minimum, etc, but this is not the case. What I can say is I love the Lord more than I ever have, He is as amazing and gracious and sovereign as He has always and will always be, and that I am blessed beyond any words can say to be His daughter and servant, and to be ever growing in and by His grace through faith in my most precious and glorious savior the Lord Jesus Christ.
Please pray for me and the ministry including the dogs as you are led. My greatest desire regarding prayer would be to love & worship the Lord with all my heart, to be ever conformed to my sweet Jesus, to be pleasing in all ways to Him, to love others and to love the dogs in my care with His love, and to have Esther placed immediately so I can focus on the Lord & ministry & very importantly in this season on very greatly needed physical and mental rest.
Love & blessings,