When God Won’t Give You a Break

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Have you ever felt like God just won’t give you a break? Despite numerous blessings in my childhood for which I am indescribably grateful, my early years were marred by childhood sexual abuse. I then spent DECADES with what felt like virtually relentless trials – some blatantly self-induced, some blatantly not. Post traumatic stress disorder, major depression, multiple addictions, self-mutilation, bad relationships, debilitating anxiety, suicidal thoughts for years, abandonment by two husbands and two unwanted divorces, abandonment by my family for talking about being sexually abused as a child, therapists, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, hospitals, self-help groups, 12-step groups, medications, welfare, food stamps, charity care, disability, the loss of numerous dogs that had become like family to me, the loss of my beloved pastor, and the list goes on – and on. Why wouldn’t God just give me a break?

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I would have thought my life would have gotten better when I became a believer in Jesus Christ. My life got worse – much worse. Little did I know the difference between a believer and a follower. A believer believes. A follower of Christ commits to learn how to leave behind his or her old way of life, a worldly way of life, and to learn how to live according to God’s ways. I would have thought my life would have gotten better when I became a committed follower of Jesus Christ. My life got harder. For now I needed to learn how to cope with my challenges in a godly way – without all the dependencies I had developed through the years. Why wouldn’t God give me a break?

I yelled at God. I screamed at God. I cried to God. I waved my fists at God. I shouted at God. I begged God. I cursed at God. I did everything imaginable and unimaginable to let God know that He was wrong. I deserved a break. I had had enough. Why wouldn’t God give me a break? For decades, I had no semblance of a real life – not one with any true value.

Then God gave me a break, but it wasn’t the break I had so desperately wanted. And it wasn’t the break I felt I so desperately needed. The break He gave me wasn’t in my circumstances. The break He gave me was in my heart. For when I reached the point I simply felt I could not go on with another loss, another challenge, another trial, another anything at all, I gave up my life. And I gave it to Him.

Now I know why God wouldn’t give me the break I wanted. For so long as I continued to hang onto “my life” thinking “my life” was “for me”, and that I deserved this, or that I deserved that, I was missing the point of it all.

And the point is this. My life is His. Today I live my life for Him. I have lost most of what I ever wanted. And I have not received most of what I have dreamed for myself. But what I have lost in the people and the things of this world is nothing whatsoever when I think of what I have gained.

I have gained Christ. A life in Christ. A life of unfathomable love, peace, hope, fulfillment, and joy not in the circumstances or relationships with people of my life – but a joy and blessedness in knowing the Lord. In intimate fellowship with Him.

God wouldn’t give me a break because He had to strip me of almost everything I ever wanted to realize what I needed all along.

Him. I am His.

Are you?

I did not believe God knew what He was doing in my decades of trials. He knew all along. He always does. He is God. 


Gal 2:20  I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. 


Job 13:15  Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him. 

Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, Phil. 3:8



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