|photo in background courtesy of pixabay.com|
I would have thought my life would have gotten better when I became a believer in Jesus Christ. My life got worse – much worse. Little did I know the difference between a believer and a follower. A believer believes. A follower of Christ commits to learn how to leave behind his or her old way of life, a worldly way of life, and to learn how to live according to God’s ways. I would have thought my life would have gotten better when I became a committed follower of Jesus Christ. My life got harder. For now I needed to learn how to cope with my challenges in a godly way – without all the dependencies I had developed through the years. Why wouldn’t God give me a break?
I yelled at God. I screamed at God. I cried to God. I waved my fists at God. I shouted at God. I begged God. I cursed at God. I did everything imaginable and unimaginable to let God know that He was wrong. I deserved a break. I had had enough. Why wouldn’t God give me a break? For decades, I had no semblance of a real life – not one with any true value.
Then God gave me a break, but it wasn’t the break I had so desperately wanted. And it wasn’t the break I felt I so desperately needed. The break He gave me wasn’t in my circumstances. The break He gave me was in my heart. For when I reached the point I simply felt I could not go on with another loss, another challenge, another trial, another anything at all, I gave up my life. And I gave it to Him.
Now I know why God wouldn’t give me the break I wanted. For so long as I continued to hang onto “my life” thinking “my life” was “for me”, and that I deserved this, or that I deserved that, I was missing the point of it all.
And the point is this. My life is His. Today I live my life for Him. I have lost most of what I ever wanted. And I have not received most of what I have dreamed for myself. But what I have lost in the people and the things of this world is nothing whatsoever when I think of what I have gained.
I have gained Christ. A life in Christ. A life of unfathomable love, peace, hope, fulfillment, and joy not in the circumstances or relationships with people of my life – but a joy and blessedness in knowing the Lord. In intimate fellowship with Him.
God wouldn’t give me a break because He had to strip me of almost everything I ever wanted to realize what I needed all along.
Him. I am His.
I did not believe God knew what He was doing in my decades of trials. He knew all along. He always does. He is God.
Gal 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.