WHEN I AM A WHORE

When I am a whore. I considered titling this devotional “When I was a whore.” I could not. Not because I was not. Because I am. I am a whore. I do not jump into random men’s beds. I do not jump into the beds of men at all. I am single. And conservative. Conservatively single. Single according to the Bible. I have not been in a man’s bed since I lay with the man I married before he divorced me. Oh, I had my wild days – so very many years ago. Not so wild as many. But wild enough to call it sin. But still. Still I am a whore.

Because if the truth be known, I have committed adultery against my beloved by jumping into the bed of the world time and again. I have committed adultery against my beloved Jesus so many times I cannot count. I have laid in the arms of the world, my mind and heart on worldly things, when I could have laid down with my beloved. Instead, I played the whore. The harlot. The hussy. And still am. And do. Not all the time. Not as much perhaps as before. But if I am perfectly honest, there are times I find myself forgetting who I am. His. And who He is.

The great I AM. And I find myself entwined with thoughts, and ideas, and imaginations, and imaginings, and concepts, and dreams, and I-want-to-do-this, and I’ll-be-right-back-Lord-I-am-too-busy-to-talk-to-you, stuff, lots of stuff, whorish stuff of forgetting that I am my beloved’s and He is mine (Son. 6:3 KJV). But even in the midst of my “whoredom”, to use a Bible word, I hear the still small voice of the Lord calling me. Reminding me that He lays in wait for me. His mercy, His arms of forever love, stay wide open, His heart pours out of Him, His Spirit calls, He calls to me, He reminds me that I must come out of the places I am and come running – to His throne of grace.

Where He waits, and smiles, thankful that I have come home to where I belong. He reminds me I don’t need to run off again. Why not stay this time? He knows my ways, and He knows His are higher (Isaiah 55:9). He knows my thoughts, and He knows His are greater (Isaiah 55:9 KJV). He knows my sins, and He knows His grace. His mercy. His unfailing love. And He welcome me home. Once again.

When I am a whore again, I remember. I am not to be married to the world. I am married to Him. My Jesus. His beloved. He, mine. I come crashing into His arms. Thank you, thank you, thank you for calling me back. Please forgive me for my whorish ways – for choosing the world instead of you, if only in my thoughts, if only in my mind. And yes, sometimes in my ways. However I’ve done it, however I’ve played the whore, the harlot, the hussy, let me say this. Jesus would rather I come home to Him and seek His mercy through confession of my sins and learn to stay by following Him than to stay away and keep playing the whore. Come home, He whispers. Come home, He cries.

Father God, forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me. For the whore that I was. For the whore that I am. For every single time I chose the world over you, that I chose myself over you. For not being the bride you desire, precious Jesus. Make me into the bride you want. Hold me in your arms and teach me your ways. Let me be yoked to you. Teach me your Word. 

Grow me into the woman you want me to be. Let me love you, dear Lord, let me wash your feet with my tears of repentance. I love you. Forever, I love you. Even when I fall short, which I do all the time, your mercy is there for me. You wait with your mercy. And I love you. I seek you. I desire you. How I long to leave behind where I have come from, me and my whorish ways, and learn to be with you, stay with you, to live in you, and you in me, to live through you, and you through me, to be so filled with your Holy Spirit that I cannot help but learn to remain steadfast to you as you are to me, to be faithful, I long to be faithful, teach me to stick with you, my Lord, where I belong.

Thank you for your mercy. Let me crawl up beside you, into your arms, and watch your face, and see your heart, and know that I am home, where I belong, with you, in you, for you. I love you. And I know you love me. And now I am complete, because of you. Everything else, every idol I climbed into bed with, so to speak, let me down. Forsook me. And you never do, never will, never did. You are faithful. And you have taken me even in my faithlessness. You have taken me to yourself. Hold me, my Lord. Hold me even as I am, mold me, shape me, change me, transform me, into the woman you are proud to call your own. I love you – forever. Amen. 

I ENCOURAGE YOU to examine your heart. Examine your life. Have you, too, committed adultery? Is the Lord calling you to repentance? Is He calling you home to His fold? Is He longing, desiring, to hold you in His arms because you are no longer there – or never have been? Do you have a personal relationship with the Lord? Or have you never met Him? Do you desire to know Him? Do you know Him, and desire to go deeper? Just where do you stand? Or sit? Or where have you run? And are you ready to come home? Or, are you already in His arms – and is it time to share your loving embrace with Him with the world around you – by sharing Him with a lost and dying world? What have you discovered in the examination of your heart, and life. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in you, to convict you, to show you, to bring to light that which has been hidden in the dark. No more adultery. How about mercy instead? Today. Yes, even this day. You are cordially invited to come running to the throne of grace. His throne. His grace. His mercy. His love. Forever. He waits…………

Col_3:2  “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.”

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