I had planned to be married, but I am recently divorced. I adore my family, but most of my family does not choose to include me in this season of their lives. I thought I would stay in Virginia, and I live in South Carolina. I figured I would have more than sufficient money in my checking account for a satisfying life. My satisfaction, I have learned, has nothing to do with my bank account. I once dreamed of writing fiction. I am called right now to write non-fiction. I moved to South Carolina almost a year ago and have no sense of community, very few precious friends, no sense of fellowship, and no strong sense of connection to the members of my church. So how exactly does my flesh feel? Antsy. Impatient. Ouch. Uncomfortable? Just a tad – to say the least. But most importantly, what about my trust in God?
As best I am able, I am choosing to trust God despite my circumstances. My circumstances truly are not bad. I am in reality blessed beyond measure. But as someone who loves people so very much, I struggle with not having the close relationships with my loved ones as well as having a sense of fellowship in my new location. I have a history of trying to “make things happen”, which I can readily equate to not trusting God. For much of my life, I did not believe in God. For the time I have, I have trusted Him very little. So for the majority of my life, I have run out into the world like a conductor trying to orchestrate my life to meet my needs and desires. How much I missed in not trusting God!
Today, I am learning to trust Him. I am learning to wait on Him. I am learning to be patient. I am learning that God has a purpose for every season, and that I need to believe He knows what He is doing. After all, He is God! Some have told me God loves me so much He wants me all to Himself right now. Easy to say, hard to accept. But if the truth be known, I love God so beyond description that I want to learn to trust Him – and to discover what beautiful plans He has had for my life all along.
Though my flesh wants to rise up and begin orchestrating my life once more, this time I know better. I have made the decision to trust Him, and in all reality I look forward to seeing what life is like according to God’s plan rather than my own.
Will you trust God when your flesh hurts? Will you trust God when your flesh is uncomfortable? Will you trust God when you cannot see the way? Will you trust God when your flesh is crying out that you need to fix your life all by yourself? Will you trust God because you love Him? Will you trust God because you know in the depths of your heart that His way is ALWAYS better than ours?
Ecc 3:1 “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven….”