“I’m stuck. I’m stuck. I’m stuck.” Anyone who knows me well, or who has crossed my path for even moments, has likely heard these words come tumbling from my mouth – and heart – over the past month. Or years, for that matter.
In the past two months, I have been towed out of mud in my own yard, towed out of snow into my own yard, stuck in snow in the middle of the road going uphill, stuck in my driveway again and again, stuck on the side of the road, just plain old, stuck, stuck, stuck.
The truth of the matter is my car has been stuck in one way or another more times than I can count in two months time, but my life itself has been stuck in virtually every way, shape, and form for decades. In the past decade alone, I have been stuck more often than not.
“I’m tired of being stuck!” I have cried. But not any amount of willpower, nor any degree of resolve, has made me any less stuck – except for matters of minutes, hours, or days. Over and over, once supposedly free, I have become stuck all over again.
Not so long ago, the Lord showed me in my heart that much of my being stuck had to do with my choice of words that originated from the thoughts in my mind. The Bible teaches that life is in the tongue’s power, and sure enough I was cursing my own life with my negative thoughts and words.
But this was not all. Over the past week, and even more so in the past few days, I had become so stuck that I could barely write, barely focus, and have been exhausted beyond description. Did I rest enough? No. Like a stuck car spewing mud from its tires as it tries to dig its way out, I pushed – and pushed – and pushed. To no avail.
Tonight, I realized enough was enough. I knew the source of my trouble. I could not avoid it. I was stuck in my own disobedience. The Lord had asked me to let something go, and it became clear as day that everything in my life had become stuck due to my disobedience.
I may have thought I had let go, but I had not. A brother in Christ with whom I met for the first time yesterday shared with me he believed I would not move forward in one key area of my life until I let go – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I knew in my heart he was right. And I knew ALL areas of my life were stuck because of what I would not let go.
“How can I let go?” I asked the Lord tonight, not expecting much of a reply.
The Lord was quick to answer.
“Only believe.”
Then, in a matter of minutes as I finished preparing dinner for my special needs dogs, I heard the rest of what He had to say.
The Lord helped me to see I would not let go because I did not trust Him. I did not believe. I was holding on for dear life, still, to something because it was familiar. For eight years, I had held on. Not only did I hold on, but I was holding onto something that was threatening to take my life.
Tonight, God showed me deep within my heart that I did not trust He would lead me in His loving arms and heart into a new place – one of freedom, of peace, of His glorious plans and inheritance for me here on this earth.
I know it is time to walk forward. By faith, of course. In love.
Did you notice what happened when the disciples asked Jesus into their boat? How quickly did they make it to the other side? Immediately.
I may not be riding in a boat, but I have been driving a stuck car for far too long.
Jesus, come into my car. I am ready to come out of the mud, out of the muck, out of the snow, away from the ice – and to go forward with you in my heart to the other side.