“I want what you have,” my loved one told me as we sat catching up on our lives. “The joy. The peace. The hope. To be happy,” he continued. But he didn’t need to say more. I already knew. For this is the woman  I have become – all by my lonesome.

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“What did you do for Thanksgiving?” he asked me before we made our way into our usual fast food restaurant where we meet every few months to share our longtime love, our tears and troubles, our victories and praise.

“Nothing,” I replied contentedly. “You’re the first person I’ve spoken to in two days.”

I knew he was surprised. But no more than I was. “I shouldn’t say I spent the day alone, to be honest,” I said in afterthought. “I wasn’t. I spent the day with the Lord.”

And there it is. I spend much of my time by my lonesome now, but I have never been less alone since the day I was born some 47 years ago. I am not surrounded by people all the time. I do not have a family in my life, or husband or fiance or boyfriend, nor a job with co-workers nor a social life. And I have never been more fulfilled, more satisfied, more purpose-filled, more filled with love and hope and faith and trust and peace. Yes, all by my lonesome. Without the fixings and trimmings of people everywhere I turn. Now don’t get me wrong. I am an evangelist. I love the Lord, I love people, and I absolutely love when God sends me out into the world to preach the Gospel, teach His Word, and minister to those to whom He sends me. But still, I spend more time by my lonesome than many, if not most.

And I cannot imagine being anymore at peace with the life God has given me than I am this very day. But how can this be? After all, I spent decades of my life searching for the perfect man, the perfect relationships, a marriage that would last, friends, people, people, people. I am a people person. And here I am now so often by my lonesome.

And never less alone than I am now. For as I shared with my loved one, I am utterly sold out to the Lord and to the ministry work to which He has called me. I spend my time seeking the Lord’s face, praying and listening, listening and learning to follow, caring for the dogs in my care, writing and waiting on the Lord for the next time He will send me out to minister to those in need, always seeking Him, with my heart and ear open wide to hear His voice, my spirit enjoying His strong, steady presence, studying, studying, studying His Word, applying it to my life, seeking more of Him, being filled with Him and led by Him – and loved by Him. And loving Him, oh, yes, how I love the Lord!

All by my lonesome, without so very many of the accouterments offered by this world, with a trail of dust behind me where my personal dreams have fallen away, mostly unfulfilled, and now, more fulfilled than I have ever been, with my heart on fire for the Lord. All by my lonesome in the grand scheme of this world in which we live. With not an ounce of loneliness in my heart.

For I walk with the Lord, and I am His!

Psa 27:4  One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple. 

Psalm 42:1 …As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. 

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