Brokenhearted
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” Psalm 34:18
My heart was totally broken. But after decades of lugging around a heavy, grieving, broken heart, I realized it was a new kind of broken. Instead of finding myself wallowing in all the hurt and harm done me by a broken world, my heart was achingly, painfully, wrenchingly broken over how I knew I had hurt God. My heart was broken over my sin against Him, and rather than fallen at His feet begging Him to heal all the wounds incurred by the trials of this life, in those precious minutes I found myself crying out to Him for mercy and the strength to do right in my desperate desire to please Him because of how much I have come to love Him. Oh, how broken was my heart!
I had become overwhelmed yet again with caring for the 16 mostly special needs and senior rescued dogs in my care, and had lost my temper. I had yelled and been rough with a few of them when they had misbehaved. And though some might have considered my actions justified given their behavior not to mention how much responsibility without help I have with them, I knew my behavior was wrong and that I had hurt the heart of God. I cried out to Him in genuine repentance and in my desperate desire for Him to enable me to walk in His love and mercy rather than to find myself once more in the coming days fallen into my despicable sin. It astounded me how God had transformed me from a woman who long ago didn’t believe in Him nor know what sin is, to a woman who believed in Him yet continued to justify her sin, to a woman today who loves Him so uncontrollably that I am appalled and broken over my sin against Him.
Even more astounding is the realization that God is CLOSE to those who are broken over their sin and truly remorseful. If I were God, I would not forgive myself – not to mention forgive humanity as a whole. But there He is waiting for the brokenhearted to come running to Him for forgiveness and the strength by His Spirit and through His Word to learn to do right rather than to continue in sin. Are you broken over your sin against God? Be broken. Bow down your face, bow down your knee, bow down your heart before Him. Repent, turn, and run to Him!