I have been a totally devoted follower of the Lord Jesus Christ with a ministry for a good long while, and yet still when I go through especially hard seasons of my life have times of doubt about God. And I have some really strong encouragement.
Don’t run away from God. Run to God.
Pour your heart out to Him, doubts included, cry out to Him, pray to Him, seek Him, read the Bible, dig deep, be totally devoted to Him regardless of your feelings, live in obedience to Him, hold onto God and the Bible for dear life, and trust God to grow you.
Some of my greatest growth in my relationship with God has come in really hard seasons when I have held onto God and the Bible despite my feelings along the way.
“So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17 NKJV
“Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us…” Psalms 62:8 NKJV