Falling Upward – Moving Ahead

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If I counted my falls through the years of following Jesus, I probably wouldn’t keep following. I would stay on the ground and weep for how often I put one foot in front of the other and find myself stumbling once more, tumbling onto the cement as the nearly deafening noise comes yet again to scream, “you fell again. Give up.” But I know better now, because I don’t lay on the floor in a broken heap of bruises and scrapes and cuts and sores and wounds and the sickening smell and horrifying taste of the poison called condemnation.

I follow Jesus, after all. It is His blood that He shed for me on the cross to pay the penalty for all my mishaps and mistakes and shortcomings and shortfalls and tumbles and stumbles and falls – yes, sins, most clearly – that covers me like a cloak of comfort and urgency that I must get up. I must! For He calls, and I follow. And, yes, I confess. Yes, I repent. Yes, I move on. Following, following. I leave the condemnation in the dust as I take the hand of conviction and glorify the Lord that once more He has forgiven me.

Oh, how I have fallen! I did it again just minutes ago. How horrible. To try so desperately to please my Lord, and then, ouch, ow, oh God, how could I? And I had prayed. And prayed. For years I have prayed, and studied, and sought the Lord, and come to know Him in a way unimaginable, and still. Still, yes, I am growing. Like a tree, my limbs extending. Dead branches falling off. New ones forming. Growing tall in the image of my Father, falls and all. Learning to walk, step by stumbling step, then another. A righteous step, then another. Forward.

Once reborn, through faith in Christ, I stayed a child for too long. But I discovered how to grow. I discovered how to follow my infinitely precious Jesus. I study His Word. I dig deep, diving for gold, and I resurface with treasures unfathomable. And I learn, and I grow, and I walk, and I stumble, and I confess, and I repent, and I move, yes, I move on. Forward. Walking, not gracefully as I would like but walking just the same, to the beat of a drum the world knows so little of and rejects so astoundingly. The world marches to a different drummer. I don’t march at all. I walk – by faith. In the only One that matters.

I hear my Master’s voice calling. He reminds me, carry on! Come, follow me. He tells me to deny myself, to take up my cross, and to follow Him. Oh, it hurts to deny my flesh. Oh, if I only I did it more. And that cross, the death of the flesh, how can I describe it? Why would I? I only know this.

I love Him. My Lord. My King. My Master. My Savior. My redeemer. My healer. My teacher. My comforter. My love. My sweet Jesus.

Lord, I cry out to you! Thank you for your mercy! Thank you for your forgiveness. I’m not giving up Lord Jesus. I’m coming after you. Here I come, Lord! Take me to the places we will go. Oh Lord! Thank you! I will not give up. I will get it right. Not in my flesh. But in you.

My love, my Jesus.

Luk 9:23  “And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. 
Luk 9:24  For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. 
Luk 9:25  For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?” KJV

Rom_8:1  “here is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” KJV

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