Bound in chains. In a prison without bars, without walls, without escape. A cloud of blackness blinding my vision. A weight ever on me, lowering me, pressing me down. The rape of darkness. I could hear almost nothing but noise. Constant. I already knew Jesus; I had known Him for years. But I could do little more than grope for Him and grab onto Him, pulling Him down with me, before He motioned for me to follow and I could only drown in the quicksand. I could not even see Him leave; I could barely hear Him say, “Come, follow me.” I could not even breathe right, nor think straight, let alone love for more than minutes. I loved God. I prayed. I studied the Bible. I went to church. I worshipped. I reached out to the Body of Christ. I gave. I served. But I could not get out from under the pain, the torment, the evil that swallowed daily whole chunks of me. I cried out. I cried out. I cried out. I heard the echo in my rotting soul. I wanted to share the Gospel with the world, but who would really listen when the light and love in me was mostly trapped?
This is how I lived until just days ago. But, broken once more, from the depths of my soul I implored the Lord to take the anger from my heart, to deliver me. And as I mowed the grass, back and forth, up and down rows of grass, I made a decision. I went down a laundry list of every reason I was angry at a loved one, and I forgave, with the love and forgiveness of the Lord who lives inside me, every single offense I had clung onto. Then I made sure I had forgiven anyone else I could think of.
And I sought the Lord. And I asked Him to forgive me all my wrongs. Every single one of them. I asked Him to wash me clean.
In less than 24 hours, I woke a new woman.
“Therefore I say unto you, “What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. (Mark 11: 24-26 KJV).”