This is a hard truth, isn’t it? It’s not pretty to write about, it’s not pretty to experience, and it’s not pretty to hear. Satan disguises himself in light, so why should I not be surprised that he seduces people into putting on pretty makeup to hide what lies tucked away in the dark? I suppose I might fall a little harder than others simply because I tend to be more vulnerable, more sensitive, and more disappointed when I discover the truth. I have always been sensitive, and it is at times like these that my sensitivity makes me just that much more susceptible to the pain and hurt that comes when people lie, cheat, deceive, abuse, neglect, harm, and then put on their best faces for church on Sundays. Ouch.
Oh, how easily I could quit. I could quit full-time ministry with the justification that it is just to hard to deal with all this. I could quit reaching out to followers of Jesus because I have seen far too much deception. I could quit reaching out to those in need because I could so easily lose my faith if I don’t hold onto it. I could quit sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with people who do not know Jesus with the reason that following Jesus can be excruciatingly difficult. I could quit believing there is still good in this darkening world because sometimes the light seems so small in comparison to the growing dark. I could even quit getting out of bed in the morning, refusing to put one foot in front of the other in this walk by faith.
I am astounded at the depths of darkness I came across in recent days, and I am even more shocked by how severely it contrasted with the false light that was projected from the places it came. Oh, yes, it hurts to even think about. And it’s almost impossible to not think about it. It hurts even more to think about the people who are helping the darkness to stay in the dark – all working together to project the illusion of light. Some call it betrayal. I do not know what word I would use to call it. Perhaps I am too shell shocked still to call it anything at all.
But this I know. I shall not quit. I will not allow this to steal the greatest gift I have ever been given. Jesus lives inside me, and to Him I will cling for dear life. To my Father in heaven I will cleave all the more. To the life He has given me I will hold on. To my faith in Jesus as Lord I will not let go. If the devil meant this hard place I am walking through for evil, and most assuredly he did, he has lost this battle.
For despite the tears I cry, despite the fatigue I feel in my very bones, despite the deep grief I experience at the thought of what people I have come across have once again done, I shall not quit. I shall not quit my God. I shall not quit my Lord. I shall not quit my faith. I shall not quit this precious life. I shall not quit at all. In fact, I will do quite the opposite. I will hold on tighter than ever to my God. And in the midst of this darkening world, I will walk in my God’s light. For my Jesus is Light of this world, and He promises that I will not walk in darkness if I walk after Him.
And after Him I shall walk. Holding fast. For the devil who meant all of this for evil has lost this battle, for God has brought a good beyond measure. The good is this. Not only will I not quit, but I will more than ever live this life for my Lord and declare with a heart and voice louder than ever the Gospel of Jesus Christ to a darkening world in such dire need of Him and His light.
“Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.” ” John 8:12 NASB
“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” Genesis 50:20 NASB
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 NASB