Never So Satisfied

I have never been more satisfied in my life. But how is that possible? I lost my family of origin. I was abandoned by two husbands. My resume, if I had one, would look ridiculous. I have an income so low it’s a miracle I get by. I have endured childhood abuse, multiple addictions, neglect, rejection, abandonment, abusive mistreatment, and more. Yet yesterday, in the midst of an interaction with a customer service person at a major chain store, I realized this. I have never been so satisfied.

“The store manager last week gave my ministry a donation,” I confessed to the customer service person at the store just before she was about to give me a second donation promised by a store worker who had called me to tell me to come pick it up. “I’m not sure whether it’s okay to take this donation you have here for the ministry since we already received one. But it would be a blessing; we really could use it.” Lack of communication had resulted in two monetary donations being offered to Walk by Faith Ministry.

Her answer was straight to the point. “No,” she said. Wow.

My initial response was to question her. “The two donations together add up to a certain amount,” I replied. “Is there a limit to the total amount an organization can receive?” Maybe, in my mind, the ministry could still receive the donation. Somehow.

She explained how the donation program works, and then it hit me. I didn’t need the donation. Walk by Faith Ministry didn’t need the donation. I already have everything I need, and so does Walk by Faith Ministry. We have Jesus the Christ!

“Thank you,” I answered her, and off I went.

Never so satisfied. I actually left without the donation, and more full of the joy of the Lord than I could possibly imagine. I was overflowing with His love, feeling blessed beyond measure, and in awe of how satisfied I realized I have become in my day to day life.

Just imagine. The ministry’s expenses increased with two dogs critically ill recently, two monthly sponsors did not send their usual donations, I have annual personal bills far greater than my monthly income can adequately address without having to dip into emergency savings and then replenish them with an enormously tight budget, and now what would have been an extra “blessing” monetarily had been taken back as quickly as it had seemed to come.

I could have had that donation – easily. Nobody would have known. I could have kept to myself that the ministry had already received a donation last week. No one would have figured it out. But my life is not about money, nor is it about people. My life is about Jesus Christ, and because of Him I have never been so satisfied. I needed to be honest because I love the Lord, and I needed to be honest because I trust the Lord. Man is not my provider; the Lord is.

As I left the store, I pondered again how beautiful my life has become since I realized the Lord is my provider and that my trust needs to be in Him, not man. Though I have less in material and monetary things than in some ways I have had, though I have lost and had to let go countless people, places and things along my journey, I have never been more filled up, felt more loved, been more blessed, been better taken care, nor so satisfied.

My satisfaction doesn’t come from a family. It doesn’t come from a husband or marriage. It doesn’t come from a big salary. It doesn’t come from an awesome resume. It doesn’t come from amazing vacations, an incredible social life, huge accomplishments, or the world patting me on the back.

My satisfaction comes from Jesus Christ alone. Truly, after 44 years of life, I can honestly say this. There is no true satisfaction – and I mean NO real, nor greater, satisfaction – than the satisfaction of knowing and loving and being loved by and putting my trust and faith and hope and life in the hands and heart of my precious Lord and Savior – Jesus.

Dear Father, thank you for giving me your Son. I grew up in a Jewish family that didn’t believe in God and was told vaguely of a “Messiah”. I’m not sure I even knew what the word meant. Today I know, and understand, dear Father, that the Jewish Messiah has come. And He is mine, and I am His, and I love Him and you forever and ever. Thank you for satisfying my hunger and thirst. Thank you for satisfying my need and desire for love. Thank you for being the love of my life – forever. Amen!

Matthew 5:6
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” NASB

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