When You Lose the One You Love

I have lost so many I have loved that I have simply lost count. My first loss came in the first grade when I learned my school teacher had died falling off a horse. My most recent lost love was so painful it knocked the breath out of me. I have no idea how many I have lost in between. But I know one thing for sure. I have dealt with my losses in two distinct ways. First, I have surrendered to the loss and become so lost in the loss that I could not find my way out. I only buried myself in the quagmire of endless pain and a hardening of my heart with bitterness and hurt so debilitating that it became just about impossible to put one foot in front of the other. Second, and I learned this only with my most recent great loss, I have surrendered to the Lord instead of to my loss.
Just what am I talking about? Was one method more painful than the other? Honestly? No. They were equally painful. But when I surrendered to the loss rather than the Lord, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. The pain never ceased. I had no hope. I did not find hope at the other end of the pain because there was no end to it. I just got to the point where I either became numb to it or managed to half bury it until it reared its ugly head again. I literally bowed down to loss and served it, answering its every beck and call. I became unable to help others, and I certainly could not help myself. Nor, most importantly, would I truly allow the Lord to help me so I could heal from the loss and allow Him to use the loss to transform my heart and life.

So what about the other method? I learned how to surrender to the Lord instead of the loss. While I still had to travel through the valley of the shadow of loss, this time I walked through the valley with the Lord. I brought my heart before Him, I cried out to Him, I buried my face in His hands, I crawled into His lap and learned slowly, carefully, cautiously, and ultimately, gratefully, to bring my heart to Him. I allowed Him through deep study of His Word, through learning to become intimate with Him, talking to Him and listening to Him, praying, and learning to praise, to comfort me, heal me, teach me, grow me, and transform my life entirely.

Rather than get lost in the loss, I allowed God to use the loss as I became lost in Him to change me into the woman He calls me to be. Instead of my heart becoming more hardened, my heart became more broken. But while I had always seen a broken heart as a terrible thing, this time I learned it was my greatest asset in the middle of my pain. Why? My heart was so broken it was pliable in the Lord’s hands. I was willing to be changed, I was willing to listen, I was willing to be accountable for my problems, issues, troubles, messes, shortcomings, and, yes, most accurately, sins.

Instead of pointing my finger 24-7 at the other person (which can still sadly come too easily to me), I learned to put my hand down for God to take hold of it as He led me gently on a side-by-side walk with Him as He pointed out to me what He planned to do in my heart.

Oh what a joy it has been to learn that there are blessings in loss, that when placed in the hands of the Lord loss can be a gift because of what God can do in me through it.

Loss still hurts just as much as it ever did, but now I know the price I pay through loss when I surrender to the Lord comes with something that is utterly priceless – a deeper, more beautiful, more magnificent, more intimate, more holy, more loving, more caring, more understanding – and on and on – relationship with the Lord God almighty.

What will you do when you lose the one you love, or have you lost that one already? Will you surrender to the loss, or will you surrender to the Lord? No matter where you are in your walk with the Lord, why not try loss a different way. Place your broken heart in the hands of the Lord and surrender all of your heart and life to Him. Then discover what the Lord wants and can and will do in the midst of your loss as you learn to walk in a new way with Him. 

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