“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Why was I sexually abused as a child? Why did I get kicked out of my beloved family as an adult as a result of talking about it? Why did I have post-traumatic stress disorder, multiple addictions, self-mutilate, have suicidal thoughts for years, and for decades spend most of my time lost, broken, and running from one counselor to hospital to medication to recovery group to another? Why was I abandoned by two husbands? Why did my beloved pastor die tragically? Why did so many of my dogs die? Why did the dog Red who helped save a homeless man’s life, co-founded my ministry, and was my sidekick for years die? Why has God given me 15-20 special needs and senior rescued dogs at a time to care for with no human help when I desperately need a break and no longer want to do this work – to this extreme anyway? Why when I love people so much has God called me to a life in which He leads me to spend so much time on my own loving and seeking Him, worshiping Him and writing for Him, with no real social life? Why was the closest female friend I’ve ever had found dead with a gunshot wound to her chest? Why when I desperately want to go out and preach to the world does God shut me up at home to seek His face and write Daily Inspiration, books, and Gospel tracts and devotionals with constant interruptions from the dogs when I am exhausted? WHY?
After years of not knowing the answer, and crying out to God often like a spoiled child complaining and pitying myself which I can fall prey to when I am not careful, I realized the Spirit of God has put a concrete three-fold answer on my heart which I believe bears a message for us all.
- God has given me a phenomenal, deeply intimate, ever growing relationship with Him through a life totally devoted to Him – a relationship I do not believe I would have to this amazing degree without the history I have because through it all He has drawn me to Himself and in my brokenness and desperation I have cried out and cry out to Him almost incessantly. He has given me a heart for Himself with an insatiable hunger and thirst for Him and His ways.
- Through my trials, He by His Spirit and through His Word is ever transforming me in preparation for forever with Him in heaven.
- Through it all, He has given me a relentless passion to tell the world about Him and given me the experience and transparency to do so with a real, raw heart and life as I proclaim the Gospel, share His Word, and minister to others from the trenches of this life.
Is it time to stop asking WHY and place your trust fully in the Lord?