Why I Gave Up Anorexia
“For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” 1 Corinthians 6:20
I never planned to give up a decades-long on-and-off again life-threatening eating disorder. After all, in my estimate anyway, it served me well. It “loved me”, “accepted me”, “was always there for me”, gave me “comfort,” “never rejected me”, made me feel high and in control, numbed my pain, buried my troubles, made me feel “safe,” was my “hiding place,” served as my “refuge,” kept me company. It was my “god.” The “god”, mind you, that was KILLING me. I foolishly believed it offered me what only Jesus Christ can. Whether I was bingeing on massive amounts of sugar, compulsively overeating, thinking about my body, weight, and food almost unceasingly, or restricting, controlling, manipulating, and diligently, belligerently, refusing to eat enough foods, the right foods, foods to sustain my body and help it to thrive, never not eating at all nonetheless so restricting and controlling my intake that my body and mind ceased to function properly and landing myself in emergency rooms, a psychiatric ward, and a 5-week-long stay in a hospital eating disorders unit, driving the people around me crazy and worrying them sick, I qualify as someone whose life for years was ruled and reigned by an eating disorder. Why did I give up anorexia? What does that look like?
I could tell you eating 5 to 7 incredibly nutritious meals and snacks a day now is what giving up anorexia looks like. Or that my body and mind working beautifully now is what giving up anorexia looks like. Or that feeling strong, healthy, and vibrant is what giving up anorexia looks like. Or that getting rid of the evil thoughts about my body and weight when they come because God’s Word tells us to take imaginings and thoughts captive (2 Cor. 10:5) when they rise up against Him and His Word is what giving up anorexia looks like. And I confess those thoughts still come daily. But all of this I did on and off through the years but I had NOT in my heart given up anorexia. So what’s the difference now?
Years ago God’s Spirit told me I was grieving Him. The conviction was strong, but I didn’t get it. I was so self-absorbed, so living my life for me and not for Him, so living according to the world’s ways rather than the Bible, so focused on what would make ME feel better and get ME what I wanted, that I was unwilling to forsake what I now see is the SIN AGAINST GOD of destroying the heart, mind, and body He gave me with which to love and serve Him forever. I gave up anorexia because I have given my entire life to the Lord Jesus Christ who died on the cross to redeem and purchase me with His own blood so I can live to love and honor and worship and serve God forever! I am wholly HIS.